Wounds of Extremism; The Power of Both/And

**Warning: I’m about to get very real and uncomfortable**

I’m learning so much about myself, my past, how I see the world, how I show up in the world, how others see the world, how they show up in the world, and how God intended for all of us to show up in the world. And I’m learning how to be a woman of God who leads others and myself in His Kingdom.

I’m also learning the power of extremism and the definition of “Both/And” (the middle ground or carrying two “opposites” equally).

Now, you’re probably asking yourself what the heck I’m talking about so allow me to explain.

In our society today, and especially in the Western/American church, we put a lot of emphasis on extremism. We sometimes don’t even realize that’s what we’re doing.

Generally speaking, you’re either for it or against it! There is not much in-between, no more middle ground, and no polite conversations about why people think differently than us (this is most prevalent in politics today). Instead of identifying as either one or name-calling others; what if we decided we would look and act as Jesus would have? (And the only ones He called names were the unchanging, self-righteous, religious leaders; I’ll just leave that there).

Sick of toxic men who broke those they deemed smaller than them and abused their strength, we turned to extreme feminism to fight the patriarchy and scream “down with toxic masculinity!” (And as a result, we’ve created toxic feminism – but I’ll save that soapbox for another time).

Don’t agree with society’s beliefs or expectations? Or just simply mess up once? CANCELLED.

In the church, we’ve gone from purity culture and the “True Love Waits” movement to just live with/have sex with your bf/gf or fiancé! It doesn’t matter!

Grew up with parents who were strict? We probably plan to or are parenting as either strict parents or “cool” parents that let everything slide.

But the truth is, by figuratively ripping the car in the other direction, we still lose control of the vehicle and we are still letting fear drive the dang thing!!

99% of the things I mentioned above are NOT inherently evil or bad (although some definitely are). But since people have abused them, we’ve decided to completely cut off or completely accept the thing! Um, what??

What if, instead of focusing on shoving the opposite down each other’s throats, we took a long hard look at the wounds that have occurred due to extremist behavior and how we can shift our mindsets to education, learning, and teaching?

Sex is not bad; sex outside of a covenant marriage is (that’s not just my opinion; that’s according to the Bible). Talking about it, educating and teaching from the Bible on it to teens and single young adults will not only allow shame and fear to die but will also allow for true accountability and learning to take place.

What if instead of canceling people when they say/do/think something wrong or different, we hear from them (maybe the culture they grew up in taught them differently), we educate and learn, and we heal? This is especially true in cases when they did or said things so many years ago and have been trying to move past it.

Now, I’m not talking about being wishy-washy. In fact, in my experience, when we try to throw the car in the other direction; we end up with the car all over the road in the process.

The tricky thing is not becoming so anti-extremism that we chose extreme middle ground (hint: that’s still living in extreme behavior and also living in fear). And there are things that we as Christians should be unapologetically for or against, but even those things should be backed up with knowledge of scripture and a relationship with our Creator and Father.

Here is the truth: you have to decide whether to live in FEAR or to live FREE. Fear that you’ll be canceled or labeled; fear that your kids will make the same mistakes you did, and fear that you’re falling “off the deep end.” OR free to choose. Free to say what you need to say and know that God will use it, free to talk openly with your kids about your mistakes/educate them on living better, FREE because Jesus died so we could live that way.

I don’t have all the answers, I don’t even know all of the ways that I, myself have lived in the chaos and hurt of fear, but I know that I was made to be the bearer of the both/and. I was created to be gentle AND strong, kind AND truthful, loving AND just, to be taught AND to teach.

I’ve felt pretty passionate about this for a while and finally have words to express it. I would love to chat if you have questions, comments, or concerns!

I love you all so much!

Bringing Jesus wherever I go,

Niecey